8 MAY 2008

Hello and welcome to Ned's News. I'm Ned Brown.

Mummy broke Nanny's toe! Mum was being a lazy git and sitting on her bum with that baby in her arms on the day our house got auctioned, so Nanny had to do all the housework and while she was vaccuuming, she knocked over a chair and it broke her toe. Nanny went home not long after that. Now our house is messy and dirty.

But it's now our house anymore. It's been sold and we've just bought another one in Glenroy. So I'm going from being an ultra-cool city dude, to a suburbs kid. Geez. And they didn't even take me to the races while we were living near Flemington. So no more helicopters and excitement during the Spring Racing Carnival, no more trams at the end of our street to take me into the bustling city, no more 10 minute drives into the CBD .. now they're taking me all the way up near the Essendon Airport, 15 kilometres away from the action centre of Melbourne, with no exciting landmarks nearby (no Mum, being only 10 minutes from DFO does NOT please me).

But I'll have a nice backyard to run around and play in. (Editor's note: There is actually a pool but don't tell Ned because we're ripping it out in order to have more room in the backyard. It's a wise move really, it'll NEVER be warm enough in Melbourne for me to get into an outdoor pool!!!)

In other news, I'm really good at my Wiggles Mix 'n' Match puzzle game. I like to trick Mum and Dad by putting together two wrong sides then saying "Is that right?... Noooooooo" I'm also going well with my counting. Mum and Dad have found a new childcare centre for me since the nasty Defence Force is kicking us out of mine, but Mum and Dad keep delaying filling in the forms because they feel so guilty about taking me away from my beloved girls who look after me at the moment. To punish the Defence Force, I'm refusing to do my Neddy No-Butt dance. It's a song and dance Uncool Pete made up for me and the song's kind of become the Richmond Air Base Fire Station's theme song. Uncool Pete wants Mummy to video me doing the dance so he can show the other firefighters but I'll show them! That'll learn them from taking me away from my girls! Ha!

That is all the news for today.
Hello and welcome to Sam's Sport. I'm Sam Brown.

I really want to become a shot-putter but since I can't use my arms yet, I'm practising with my mouth. I can completely clear my body with my vomit, and I can vomit A LOT. In fact, Mum freaked out again last night and this time she took me out into the cold night to the hospital. They made us wait there for five hours while they observed me to make sure I didn't have a blocked stomach. They think I have reflux.

Ned keeps slobbering over me one minute then whacking me the next. One day I'll learn how to whack back!

That is all the news for today.